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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Dueces Wild In Downieville

Following up from my last post, I'll get to the "high stakes betting" at Downieville I was mentioning.

Sure, the Downieville Classic has the glitter and glam of high profile athletes competing over the weekend, but for them it's just "another day at the office" as the likes of Carl Decker, Adam Craig and Katerina Nash hurl themselves towards the finish line in search of All Mountain Supremacy.

Now, I could do a race report on the aforementioned riders and get the usual race re-cap reporting that you'll be able to get at dozens of other media sources, but where's the fun in that! Going with Mighty Mobiles' typical "outside the box" thinking, I've got a scoop on a race within the race that's sure to be far more interesting than what you'll get anywhere else.

It started with an innocent wager. Two dudes. Fairly equal in fitness, bike selection and competitive spirit. The bet started with the looser paying the winners entry fee. At nearly $100, this was a pretty good deal for the winner but then the ante got upped. The stakes were raised and it was decided that not only would the looser be $100 lighter in the pocket, he would have to shave one (and only one) leg. (I'm almost positive there was drinking involved here) As if this weren't enough, it was later decided that the process for hair removal from the leg wouldn't be shaven with a razor, but with wax. Yeeoww!! Yeah baby.

Without further adieu, lets meet our two contestants.

First, we have Ryan Fowler. Born in Vacaville Ca and raised by a pack of wolves high in the Sierra, Ryan is no stranger to racing the bike. He'll toe the line with anybody and could give two shits about how many KOM's his competitors have on Strava.
Ryan's the kind of guy who does his research, makes a list, checks it twice....

... then follows through with authority!
Ryan takes his racing very seriously and is always in search of ways to improve his program. Bike selection for Downieville is paramount and he'll stop at nothing to try and get an upper hand on his fellow competitors.   

He's not afraid to try new things in an effort to shave (no pun intended) precious seconds off his race time. Seen here, Ryan experiments with a new aerodynamic technique he calls "planking" at a secret test site in the Swiss Alps.   
Ryan is a good egg. His favorite color is green, eats his veggies and is an all around doo-gooder.
Next up, Sako Kapano. Born on the east coast with the attitude to prove it, Sako isn't one to take things lightly. He'll race a 7yr old down the street and celebrate the victory like he's just won the Tour De France. Sakos' legs aren't much bigger than a #2 pencil, but he somehow still manages to "throw down" on the bike.   
With an amazing ability to light up his nipples while negotiating technical singletrack, Sako's sure to be one tough adversary.

I've been riding with Sako quite a bit this season and must say that he's pretty fit. My only hesitation on putting all my money on him is that he's often the victim of mechanicals... as seen here....
.... and here.....
.... and here....
.... and here. (I have tons of these shots)
So, it's any ones guess as to who will emerge victorious at the 2013 Downieville Classic but one thing's for sure... it's going to be one hell of a battle. Tune in race weekend to see how it all went down. 


Anonymous said...

This is some funny shit Stubby! I hope you rape Suckits time, he will flat - for sure! Doesn't he already shave his one leg anyway, the one he lubes with oil and sticks up Nate Dog's ass...haha!! I can't believe he actually thinks he'll beat ya bro - hilarious!! Good luck to Fowler - he sure is a doo - gooder kinda guy! Shred on my friend!!

Anonymous said...

Watch out Sako, I've been "planking" with Fowler and he can take some punishment. I recommend a much bigger bike with more travel, and lots of tread on your rubber.

If you see him go reverse dragon, it's too late. You'll wake up with dirt in your mouth and a pain in your rear that will require a new bike seat. A little Vaseline in the shorts is a smart bet, just in case. I know that's how Ryan rides.

Anonymous said...

I think upping the ante would be a 'full' lower body waxing. (Full). That's upping the ante. E